who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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