how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
