Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
