Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
