I have demons in me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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