My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
