Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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