I'm jealous of your bromance
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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