And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
