I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
