happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
