there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
