Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
