ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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