So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
