i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize