We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
