I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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