So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
