i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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