I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
