You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
