Pants 0. Shit 1.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
