so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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