That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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