Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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