the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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