I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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