You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
