I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
