I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
