..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
