Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
