i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
