She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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