She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
