Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How does it feel to date your dad?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
