I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need moral support for this bender
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
