how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
