He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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