Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
