the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
