that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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