he shaved USA in his pubs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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