your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
