She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
