If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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