I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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