I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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