be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
