at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
