i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
