Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize