On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
