It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
