Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
