Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
