her vagine was all disorganized.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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