how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
