he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
