I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
