even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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