its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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