am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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