I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
