This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
