I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
