we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
