i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
