He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
