Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
