What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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